My father-in-law used to consistently tell me that time flies the older you get. At the time I paid no mind since as a young man I thought I have plenty of time to do what I wanted to do; however, those words come back to me over and over the older I get and as I see my family grow from infants to nearing stepping out into the world on their own. The wise man was right!
As we close another year full of personal and professional accomplishments, challenges, and changes, I wanted to conduct a self-assessment of sorts on what has been a personally transformative year and reflect on lessons learned. This has been an unequal year for me, many travel adventures, personal accountability, inner discoveries, and reconnecting with the self. I want to thank all my family and friends for keeping me grounded on the important, being in my corner through thick and thin, and for always providing a helping hand, an attentive ear, and a caring heart. May you find the lessons I have learned this year of value on your journey.
Lesson 1 – Always Forgive.
I was raised by an amazingly hard working mother and an adopted dad that didn’t have to do what he did. This year I had the chance to reconnect with my biological father and made a special trip back to El Salvador to meet him. It was an opportunity I felt I needed to take to give closure to a fractured and non-existent relationship. I learned a lot not only from his story, but also from my mother’s story. I met a whole side of my family I had never met (three sisters and a brother, and many nieces and nephews) who welcomed me like they had known me all their life. At the end of the trip, my father asked for forgiveness for not being the father he should have been, but as we all know hindsight is 20/20. I hugged him and looked him in the eyes and gave that forgiveness that I know lifted a burden he had carried all his life. We cannot take back what we have done or what we have said. We can only hope we learn from our mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and move forward with new wisdom. So never hold a grudge and practice forgiveness. We cannot control what people say or do to us, but we can control how we respond to it. Keep things in your control and always forgive.
Lesson 2 – Never think twice about investing in yourself.
A mentor of mine told me early in my career, you have four time quadrants in your life that you strive to keep balanced. Those are family, work, spiritual, and self. If you picture this four quadrants on a page, the nirvana of time is hitting a bullseye right in the middle of the four quadrants where time is equally divided; that’s not reality. As we progress through life and career, time is shifted throughout the quadrants. The interesting part about it is that as we shift those quadrants what suffers the most is the “self” quadrant. Why? Because that is the one we feel we can do without. It is an easy deduction, but one we should reevaluate. Investing in yourself pays dividends for a long time and the investment is worth it. If you cannot take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of others. So before you do away with all your “me” time, make a rule to never think twice about investing in yourself. This would include fitness, mental health, personal development, enriching experiences, and books.
Lesson 3 – Regret is more painful than failure.
In my career, I’ve been very fortunate to have experienced many different areas within the company, but this came with decisions to leave the comfort of a safe path to try something different. In November of this year, I changed to a new role within the company that will force me to learn something new and get me out of my comfort zone. I have had the pleasure to work with very talented teams, and often the decision to leave is harder when you have developed those long lasting and trusting relationships. We as humans are very resistant to change, but what I have learned is this – It is scary to leave comfort or the great team you work with for other opportunities and then potentially stumble at what you set out to do; however, what is most scary to me is the thought of an opportunity coming our way, not take it because of fear of failure, but then carry future regret and think of what could have been. Not all opportunities will lead to success, and we will fail and stumble at some point, but I rather take the chance to tell my future self that I tried and failed, then not having tried at all.
Lesson 4 – Your habits put you in a position where luck is more likely to strike.
In my personal point of view, whether you are talking about personal and professional opportunities, those promotional opportunities come down to working hard, developing good habits, always striving for excellence, and luck. Yes, luck, but in this content what I call luck is the macro result of thousands of micro actions. Yes, the stars have to align in your universe to achieve those higher level promotions, but the habits you develop, the belief that you need to get better than yesterday, and always striving for excellence create the possibility to engineer your own serendipity. Never settle for mediocrity. Develop your personal core value to always strive for excellence and become better, not because it will get you a better position, or a promotion, or more money, but because you owe it to yourself to put forth the best of what you have and the gift you have been given.
Lesson 5 – Don’t let others define your definition of success.
In the world we live today, there is an unfortunate reality that everyone is comparing themselves to everyone else. Social media has exacerbated this issue by creating this alternate reality where everyone seems to be succeeding at unprecedented levels. Everyone is getting a promotion, everyone is getting a bigger house, there is a nice new car on the drive way, and everyone has a villa in the Alps. I would ask that instead of “keeping up with Jones’s” you take pause and reflect on your journey and what you have achieved at this level. The fact is that valuing extrinsic over intrinsic goals results in lower overall well-being. Pursue progress and growth, not an arbitrary definition of success that is outside of your control. Desire for more leads to more achievement and more suffering. Desire is a powerful force for growth, but the quest for more distracts from the beauty of enough. Pursue growth, but never forget the beauty of simplicity. Also, never take advice from people on the sidelines. It is easy to stand on the sidelines, but hard to stand in the arena. People on the sideline like to tell themselves stories and do not understand what is like to be in the ring fighting the good fight.
As we close the year, I want to encourage you to reflect on your own lessons learned, the great things you accomplished, the challenges you overcame, the relationships you have created and sustained, and the goals you will set to make 2023 even better than 2022.
May you have a wonderful Holiday Season and may the New Year bring you continued growth and success.
